Three ways to recognize a villain, according to Ted

Parents can be so dumb sometimes. Like, they teach you not to judge people based on looks. And expect people not to judge them based on their actions. But then they come out with nonsense like this.

OK, so here are three ways to spot a villain, according to my bigoted, bigoted father, Ted Power. The same Ted Power who once burned down an orphanage at Christmas, while ‘trying to adjust the furnace’.

  1. Gold teeth: ‘Gold teeth are the mark of the master criminal, Suzie. Decent people would rather give their gold to the poor.’
  2. Moustaches that are perfectly square, and indeed, well-tended facial hair in general, because ‘Attention to detail is what separates the criminal from the petty thug.’ (Attention to detail is also what separates the superheroes who get to remain in the ISA from the ones who do not. But I did not say that to him, because I enjoy not being given out to.)
  3. Accentless English, if you are not a native English speaker. ‘Why are they trying to conceal their origins, Suzie? Riddle me THAT.’

Batman never says things like that. Which is why he is a master detective and my father is a national punchline. Seriously, ‘You really Powered that up’ is a thing that people say to each other in Ireland now. To ‘Power something up’ does not mean to have done a thorough and awesome job. And it probably never will. 

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